Baseball

I lifted this from the February 22, 2006 Sports Illustrated. Pretty funny.

"Life of Riley"

The Ceremonial First Sales Pitch
by Rick Reilly

I feel sorry for certain people. Leon Spinks's orthodontist. Bode Miller’s agent. Anybody in a ham-eating contest with James Gandolfini. But nobody has it worse than the poor souls in marketing for some major league baseball teams.

Thanks to owners with the financial acumen of Mike Tyson, baseball has no salary cap, which means only about 10 teams out of 30 have a chance to win a championship. They know it. We know it. Tibetan monks know it.

So the marketing guys have to come up with a slogan that will lure fans to the park without flat-out deceiving them. I mean, it’s not like the Kansas City Royals can put up billboards that read FOLLOW US TO THE WORLD SERIES!

In the world of advertising, this is considered a very trough sell. Like pitching Asian chickens or fur sinks or vacation time-shares in Kabul. Still, they continue to amaze with the ability to find something good about their teams. Take a look at this year’s batch of marketing slogans.


AMERICAN LEAGUE

TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS-Coming Soon! Major League Baseball!
DETROIT TIGERS-We Guarantee We'll Get More Wins Than the Lions!
BALTIMORE ORIOLES-Steroid-free Since February!
KANSAS CITY ROYALS-Usually Not Mathematically Eliminated from the Playoffs until May!
CLEVELAND INDIANS- This Is Our Year (and If Not This Year Certainly Three Years from Now! Or the Year after That!)!
NEW YORK YANKEES-Home of the Most Generous, Wonder ful, Caring, Dynamic-Did We Mention Handsome?-Team Owner in America.
TORONTO BLUE JAYS-Not Just Voyeuristic Sex Anymore!
MINNESOTA TWINS-We Have Absolutely No Chance, but We'll Almost Certainly Kick the Royals' Ass!
LOS ANGELES ANGELS of Anaheim, Bakersfield, Barstow, Fullerton, San Diego, Tijuana-Proud to Be Your Hometown Team!
SEATTLE MARINERS-O.K., So We'll Continue to Suck, But at Least You Won't Get Wet!
TEXAS RANGERS- If You Can Throw the Ball over the Plate, We'll Sign You Up!

NATIONAL LEAGUE

ATLANTA BRAVES-Your One-stop Bridesmaid Center!
FLORIDA MARLINS-Root for the Uniforms That Won two World Series!
NEW YORK METS-Come Sit in Anna Benson's Butt Heat!
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES-Now Embarking on Our 75th Five-Year Rebuilding Plan!

CHICAGO CUBs-Ironically Hip Since 1908!
CINCINNATI REDS-Bet on Us!
PITTSBURGH PIRATES-Ben Roethlisberger Once Watched a Few Innings Here!
ST. LOUIS CARDINALS- The Best Team in Baseball, at Least Until Early in September!
ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS-Once Again Featuring Exciting Between-inning Highlights of Our 2001 World Championship Season!
COLORADO ROCKIES-True, We Will Lose Like the French Army, But at This Altitude the Beer Goes to Your Brain Really Fast!
WASHINGTON NATIONALS-A Dick Cheney Shotgun-Free Zone!

Last edited by Moe Bandits on Sun Apr 23, 2006 5:58 am; edited 1 time in total

Now thats funny!!

The KC Royals are off to a bad start!

LMAO, that's great, thanks!

As a long-suffering Rangers fan-----

Orlen Kerner wrote:

The KC Royals are off to a bad start!

and you find this surprising?

Quote:

The KC Royals are off to a bad start!

Have they ever been off to a good start?

TornadoWarning wrote:

Quote: The KC Royals are off to a bad start! Have they ever been off to a good start?

Actually, yeah, in 1977.

bp

Give the Royals are break they are in a rebuilding stage since the loss of a couple of key players: George Brett and Frank White.

Red-Headed Heckler wrote:

Give the Royals are break they are in a rebuilding stage since the loss of a couple of key players: George Brett and Frank White.

Now that's funny!

Red-Headed Heckler wrote:

Give the Royals are break they are in a rebuilding stage since the loss of a couple of key players: George Brett and Frank White.

What about Mr. Submarine, Dan Quisenberry?

boisenberry was pretty darn good!