Sales 101

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!!

Dwight Schrute, assistant regional manager, Dunder Mifflin Paper
Products with another installment.

This post is going to rock you like a hurricane.

For the past eight years, my cousin Mose and I have been
collaborating on a breakthrough book on sales and selling. I draw on
my experience as a salesman and Mose draws on the fact that he has a
lot of spare time on his hands these days as the beets have all been
harvested.

Our magnum opus is entitled:

SELL THIS!: How to Literally Kill the Competition by Dwight and Mose
Schrute.

Here is a small sample.

CHAPTER 1

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS WRONG

Question: Why do retailers say ‘the customer is always right’?

Answer: I have no idea.

The customer doesn’t know sh**. Seriously. If it were up to them,
they wouldn’t buy anything from you. They would just go along with
the products and services that they have and not buy more paper from
you (or whatever else you might be selling to them, such as office
supplies.)

How do we change the customer?

Simple. Convince them that they need to buy what you are selling.

How?

Easy. Like a tiger which hypnotizes it’s prey, you must overwhelm
them with the force of your

1) aura
2) eyes
3) intensity
4) reason
5) good prices

Seduce them with your power and get to know them like a small lover.
Intimacy sells! Ravish them. Use force if necessary. Kiss them
with your products. And, finally, make sure you call them the next day.

That is just a taste of Schrute. Just a glimpse of the sales
opportunities that await you and your cousin.

That is all.

Dwight K. Schrute

PS I have formed an internet page in order to gain more sales and
give more sales tips. It is called www.myspace.com/dwightkschrute

Dwight – you were missed.

Fact: The National Hurricane Center has been naming storms since 1953.

Fact: Storms, until 1979, were named exclusively after women.

Fact: The NHC has never seen fit to name one Dwight – UNTIL NOW?!!!!

Fact: The NHC says on their website, and I quote – “Experience shows that the use of short, distinctive given names in written as well as spoken communications is quicker and less subject to error than the older more cumbersome latitude-longitude identification methods. These advantages are especially important in exchanging detailed storm information between hundreds of widely scattered stations, coastal bases, and ships at sea.”

Fact: Dwight is a short name, and VERY distinctive. Dwight just broadcasts “I’ll get the job done right away, make no mistake.” (That’s what she said.)

I understand there is a bobblehead petition circulating. I’d like a bobblehead, sure. But I WANT Hurricane Dwight. So maybe there should be a petition to the NHC as well.

LOL

P.S Are you ready for your speech tomorrow?

Re: Sales 101

dwightschrute wrote:

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!! Easy. Like a tiger which hypnotizes it’s prey, you must overwhelm them with the force of your 1) aura 2) eyes 3) intensity 4) reason 5) good prices Seduce them with your power and get to know them like a small lover. Intimacy sells! Ravish them. Use force if necessary. Kiss them with your products. And, finally, make sure you call them the next day.

This is our motto at Hooters. LOL

Re: Sales 101

TulsaChick wrote:

dwightschrute wrote: GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!! Easy. Like a tiger which hypnotizes it’s prey, you must overwhelm them with the force of your 1) aura 2) eyes 3) intensity 4) reason 5) good prices Seduce them with your power and get to know them like a small lover. Intimacy sells! Ravish them. Use force if necessary. Kiss them with your products. And, finally, make sure you call them the next day. This is our motto at Hooters. LOL

TULSA CHICK
Interesting. Which HOOTERS are you underemployment with again? I have not (nor do I believe Michael or Jim) have had their Hooters waitress call them the next day.

That is all.
Dwight K. Schrute

Why are you still here!!!!!

NETMINDER wrote:

Why are you still here!!!!!

NETMINDER
Thank you for your inquiry. I am here to enlighten and spread the gospel of Schrute to glassrattler, america and the world.

That is all.
Dwight Kurt Schrute

dwightschrute wrote:

NETMINDER wrote: Why are you still here!!!!! NETMINDER Thank you for your inquiry. I am here to enlighten and spread the gospel of Schrute to glassrattler, america and the world. That is all. Dwight Kurt Schrute

Whatever dumbass, there is nothing you can say to anyone that would enlighten us.

NETMINDER wrote:

dwightschrute wrote: NETMINDER wrote: Why are you still here!!!!! NETMINDER Thank you for your inquiry. I am here to enlighten and spread the gospel of Schrute to glassrattler, america and the world. That is all. Dwight Kurt Schrute Whatever dumbass, there is nothing you can say to anyone that would enlighten us.

I am getting a raise! I deserve this raise! Yes! Yeah! Why are you going to give me this raise? Why! BECAUSE I AM AWESOME! I AM AWESOME!


That is all.
Dwight K. Schrute

dwightschrute wrote:

NETMINDER wrote: dwightschrute wrote: NETMINDER wrote: Why are you still here!!!!! NETMINDER Thank you for your inquiry. I am here to enlighten and spread the gospel of Schrute to glassrattler, america and the world. That is all. Dwight Kurt Schrute Whatever dumbass, there is nothing you can say to anyone that would enlighten us. I am getting a raise! I deserve this raise! Yes! Yeah! Why are you going to give me this raise? Why! BECAUSE I AM AWESOME! I AM AWESOME! That is all. Dwight K. Schrute

Your getting a raise, what happen your hampster lick your balls???

NETMINDER wrote:

dwightschrute wrote: NETMINDER wrote: dwightschrute wrote: NETMINDER wrote: Why are you still here!!!!! NETMINDER Thank you for your inquiry. I am here to enlighten and spread the gospel of Schrute to glassrattler, america and the world. That is all. Dwight Kurt Schrute Whatever dumbass, there is nothing you can say to anyone that would enlighten us. I am getting a raise! I deserve this raise! Yes! Yeah! Why are you going to give me this raise? Why! BECAUSE I AM AWESOME! I AM AWESOME! That is all. Dwight K. Schrute Your getting a raise, what happen your hampster lick your balls???

Too much hostility is not goood for you NETMINDER.
Might I suggest you take up the study of Karate? (pronounced ka-RAH-te').

That is all.
Dwight K. Schrute

Re: Sales 101

dwightschrute wrote:

TulsaChick wrote: dwightschrute wrote: GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!!!! Easy. Like a tiger which hypnotizes it’s prey, you must overwhelm them with the force of your 1) aura 2) eyes 3) intensity 4) reason 5) good prices Seduce them with your power and get to know them like a small lover. Intimacy sells! Ravish them. Use force if necessary. Kiss them with your products. And, finally, make sure you call them the next day. This is our motto at Hooters. LOL TULSA CHICK Interesting. Which HOOTERS are you underemployment with again? I have not (nor do I believe Michael or Jim) have had their Hooters waitress call them the next day. That is all. Dwight K. Schrute

I have been telling you to come to Tulsa. We do calls the next day at Hooters. LOL

nevermind.

Last edited by Dharma on Thu Mar 02, 2006 7:16 pm; edited 1 time in total

Zany_Sports_Lady wrote:

Zany, that is the best one out of all the pics you have ever posted. LOL

In response to Netminder who says nothing I could say would enlighten anyone -

To all those reading glassrattler that share my career in sales:

Some people will tell you that 'salesman' is a bad word, conjuring up images of used car salesmen and door-to-door charlatans. I say to you, salesmen, and saleswomen, we are WARRIORS!

I say to you, salesmen, and women, of the world: Unite! We must never acquiesce, for it is together... together that we prevail!


That is all.
Dwight K. Schrute

dwightschrute wrote:

In response to Netminder who says nothing I could say would enlighten anyone - To all those reading glassrattler that share my career in sales: Some people will tell you that 'salesman' is a bad word, conjuring up images of used car salesmen and door-to-door charlatans. I say to you, salesmen, and saleswomen, we are WARRIORS! I say to you, salesmen, and women, of the world: Unite! We must never acquiesce, for it is together... together that we prevail! That is all. Dwight K. Schrute

Hey, dickweed, I've been in sales for the past 20 years and the one thing I have learn is your an Idiot!!!!!!!! You could not sale a pound to a fisherman..

I sold a pound to someone once....

Old Hippy wrote:

I sold a pound to someone once....

Did he fish????